Reading: "Union" by Robert Fulgham

Like many brides, I'd like our wedding ceremony to be very personal, intimate, and romantic. Readings are one way to personalize your wedding ceremony and I've been searching beyond the standard wedding poetry, looking for some uncommon readings. As a lover of literature I've been scanning my bookshelf, searching through my books of poetry, and romantic literature.

A friend shared with me a reading I'd never come across in my searching or heard before in a wedding ceremony. It may not be new, but it's new to me! I thought I'd share it here:

Union by Robert Fulghum

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –
This is my husband. This is my wife.

I'm going to keep this reading in mind!

Centerpieces: High vs Low

I've been looking into possibilities for centerpieces and one thing I've been undecided on is the height. I always thought I'd go with traditional centerpieces, something along the lines of a low floral arrangement or floating candles in a lily bowl. 

I've seen tall centerpieces but often found them to be too dramatic and over-the-top for my taste. (See photo)

But I have also noticed that tall centerpieces add a nice element to the overall look of the room. It draws the eyes upward and adds a certain elegance.

Browsing at a craft store with my mom we paired a tall Eiffel tower vase with a single stem orchid. 

Taking this further, we discussed how we could add stones or beads and lights inside the vase for an added effect. We could set this vase on top of a mirror, then add other table enhancements like votive candles or other decorative lights (more on that later.)

That's when I realized tall centerpieces don't have to be over-the-top, they can be simple and elegant.

I think we have found a compromise in that we may alternate tall centerpieces with low ones. This way we can add the height without being too over-the-top.

Finding the Dress

Ah, the dress. It's what brides-to-be dream of, literally. We dream of how we will look on our special day. Finding the dress is one of the most exciting parts of the wedding process. We spend hours looking at images online, flipping through catalogs filled with dresses trying to find the ONE. I've watched hours of Say Yes to the Dress, watching other brides searching for their perfect dress and anticipating my own wedding dress shopping experience.

For me, it only took an afternoon, one bridal shop and six or seven dresses to find the ONE. I went to a shop with my mom, my sister (MOH) and my aunt expecting to just browse around, try on a few dresses and get a better idea of what I style dresses I liked. I imagined we would need another day and several other shops before purchasing a dress. Boy, was I wrong.

I went to the shop with a few dresses in mind but not thinking I was going to find a dress that day or at that shop. I imagined on my wedding day I'd walk down the aisle in something romantic and elegant and perhaps something conservative, not strapless.

Like this  beautiful Maggie Sottero gown

Or this dress from Allure Bridal

Or this Jim Helm gown I absolutely fell in love with

I tried on dresses with cap sleeves and halter style tops. I tried on lacy gowns that I loved in the pictures I saw. But once I was wearing these gowns that I'd love in the pictures, they just didn’t wow me.

The second dress I tried on was stunning and got rave reviews from my family. But in the back of my mind I was holding out for a different dress waiting for me in the dressing room that I thought was going to be the one. So I tried on a few more, holding out for what I thought was going to be my dream dress and when I finally tried it on…. Cricket, cricket. It wasn’t it. It was a beautiful dress but it wasn’t my dress. 

 

I tried on the second dress again and when the consultant put a veil on me, I cried. It was the one. It was exactly how I wanted to look on my wedding day.

My aunt asked me if I wanted to keep trying on more dresses and I said, “…only if they look like this one…” That was it – I was done.

And guess what ... it's strapless!

The Thing About Themes...

Like many brides, shortly after getting engaged, I was on the internet checking out wedding websites and scouring the shelves for bridal magazines.

A personal favorite of mine is TheKnot.com which has just about every resource you could ever want, including a Wedding Day Countdown (423 days!) and provides hours of entertainment looking at “Real Weddings”

As I looked at the photos of all these beautiful weddings, a theme emerged: themes. There was a theme of wedding themes.

There were beach weddings, green weddings (not just the color but the eco-friendly kind) there were Caribbean weddings and Tuscan weddings… 

And each wedding theme had details that so perfectly tied the theme together, from the unique color palette down to the hand-crafted favors and escort cards…. I started feeling the pressure to pick a theme for our wedding.

Did I want a vintage wedding or something more modern? I felt restricted by the idea of a theme, and tying everything together.

An engaged friend of mine was panicked about her ceremony location changing her theme. She originally wanted a beach wedding but was already having nightmares about inclement weather ruining the moment. She found a beautifully winery but thought she would have to change her beach themed wedding if they had the ceremony at a winery.

That’s when I began to realize how complicated themes can be.

But the magic is in the details. Pick the details you like first, and a “theme” may emerge.

I can’t decided on a traditional, two-color scheme because while I like the idea of plum colored bridesmaid dresses I can’t seem to choose a second coordinating color that I like.

I know I like fall flowers but don’t necessarily want the bright reds, oranges and yellows. 

Then I came across bouquets like this:

Fall colors yet more muted, more rustic.

I fell in love with these calla lillies

And then I found myself using that word, rustic. Is it our theme? Maybe, maybe not. (Our reception location certainly isn’t rustic…)

But I have a detail, and that’s where the fun begins!

The Hardest Decisions Come First Part 2: The Venue

Aside from choosing what time of year you want to get married and setting a date, another big decision that comes early in the planning process is where to have your ceremony and reception.

There are so many choices. It’s not just a matter of picking a venue that works for your budget and accommodates the size of your wedding as well as your taste. The venue sets the whole tone for the wedding – it’s all about picking the right atmosphere.

I was all about being “different.”

I wanted a rooftop wedding overlooking the city...

 
…Or a rustic wedding with a country feel
appealing to our laid back nature as a couple...

...And I just LOVED the thought of having a sit-down dinner at an aquarium with exotic fish swimming around us, dancing in the blue glow of the water.

I wanted to stay away from the traditional hotel and country club venues that so many couples choose.

I did a LOT of research – perhaps too much as it became very overwhelming after a while. But as I started my research, I was having difficulty finding what I was looking for (locally).

I was so hung up on being "different" I was looking at options that were just impractical, trying to go out of my way to have a wedding that was unique.

We haven't (officially) picked our venue yet, but I'm certain now that we won't be having our reception inside a museum or an aquarium or on top of a high-rise building.

But in the end, I've realized the wedding day isn't about the venue, or the theme, or the decor, or even the meal. It's about having your family and friends together to celebrate your marriage and it's about having FUN! It's all about the experience and creating memories. Ultimately, it’s what you make of it!

The Hardest Decisions Come First Part 1: Setting the Date

When the excitement of getting engaged dies down and the planning begins, some of the first wedding planning decisions engaged couples have to make are the wedding date and venue. I had no idea these would be two of the biggest wedding decisions we would have to make!

For our wedding date, my preferences were all over the map. My fiancé proposed just before Christmas 2010 and I was convinced we could pull off the planning in time for a 2011 wedding. We’ve already been together seven years – I didn’t want to wait! 

But immediately I felt the pressure of planning and saving for a wedding in less than a year. We’ve already been engaged six months and the time has flown by – looking back I’m glad we decided on a 2012 wedding!

I was also in love with the idea of a winter wedding. Note, I live in Western, NY which is known for having some pretty brutal winter weather… 

But I loved the idea of strings of white lights.... 

...a rustic room decorated with pine cones...

...and giving personalized tree ornaments as favors.

I thought how fun it would be if my fiancé and I with our bridal party put on our winter boots and trudged through the snow for outdoor photos...

I imagined I could wear a white fur wrap with my dress and the bridesmaid would wear shawls...

We could have “winter wonderland” photos with a horse drawn sleigh and everything would be beautiful.

But, of course, there was the issue of the weather.

What if there was a storm that made traveling difficult for our guests? Even if the only distance they had to travel was from their homes to the venue within the same town – blustery winter weather can make traveling even short distances treacherous! 

And then there’s always the possibility of a thaw. If all the snow melted leaving behind dead grass, piles of slush and puddles of mud - so much for the winter wonderland. 

So my fiancé suggested a September wedding – we might still get the warm summer weather along with the beautiful landscape of the start of fall with changing leaves. 

When we decided on September 2012, I immediately felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. It would give us time to save some money and would eliminate some of our stress.

In the end it was the right decision but it wasn't exactly easy to come by!

When it comes to wedding planning, how soon is too soon?

After six years together, my boyfriend proposed two days before Christmas.

We spent the next several weeks sharing the news (and showing off the ring!) I felt truly blessed by all the warmth and well wishes from our family and friends who threw us a surprise engagement party a few months later. 

I realized what a magical time it is to be an engaged couple and to finally get to call him my fiancé.

We celebrated that newly engaged feeling, holding on to that special moment and avoided diving right in to wedding plans. 

We’ve now officially been engaged for six months and we still haven’t booked a venue for our September 2012 wedding…  

Yet we have friends who were engaged only a week ago who are already talking dates and visiting venues.

So when it comes to wedding planning, how soon is too soon?

There are dozens of details to be figured out which is why most brides spend a year or more planning their weddings. So I thought we were ahead of the game when we started looking at venues nearly a year and a half in advance. But as I started doing my research (lots and lots of research…) I learned things were booking quickly and that’s when the pressure started to build.

Would I feel less stressed if we had started our planning sooner? Possibly. But I also wanted to enjoy a period of just being engaged without letting the stress of planning consume 18 months of our lives. 

Now the joy and stress of wedding planning will now only consume the next 15 months of our lives….

Planning a wedding is going to have its stressful moments. No matter how soon you start planning just don't forget to take time and enjoy the process!